I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. This is a typical statement from a person facing break-up. How to survive after a break-up? Will you survive a break-up? Why not quiz yourself about it?

The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?

The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?

The Passion Ration

The last straw to finalize divorce proceedings in a marriage is when adultery is committed. I would say the hurt is unbearable for the loving partner who has been betrayed. Innocent Parties like the children and family members automatically become involved to take their share of the heartache when a marriage collapses.

Many couples manage to salvage what is left of their relationship and carry on regardless fighting a lost cause. It is not easy to put your feelings and emotions on hold. Emotions are a powerful force that comes back with vengeance filling you with anger and in some cases hate.

All the respect and trust has gone leaving that once happy relationship a farce. They say you forgive and forget. Sorry having none of it, forgive yes forget no, mental scarring does not heal.

So much suffering is caused by a one night stand or affairs that normally do not last long after the guilty party has lost everything. Ask your self is it worth it.

I do not condone such behaviour where a man or woman strays outside the Marital Home to seek pleasure; only in some cases there are reasons why partners go down this road seeking comfort elsewhere.

May be the adulterer is not the guilty one. What of the spouse who decides to ration the passion in the bedroom leaving the partner no choice but to have his or her needs fulfilled outside the marriage.

You need to think twice before making a one sided decision about when you want to play or not play ball in the bedroom. Excuse the pun, but the ball is in your court to put back the missing link that is causing your marriage and partner to suffer.

They say true love never runs smooth, and if that being the case then for a little happiness give me the rough with the smooth any day.

If you have a problem regarding being bored in the bedroom, talk it over with your partner.

Rekindling a relationship is a made a lot easier if both parties participate in trying to understand why such actions were taken in the first place. Talking it through may help you both realize that the marriage is worth saving.

Counselling is out there for couples struggling to come to terms with the fact the marriage is over. Consider the children's feelings throughout any divorce proceedings, they will need time to adapt to having there whole life turned around.

Abide by your marriage vows, if out of spite you decide to sleep alone in the master bedroom then accept the fact that the guilty part is the Betrayer not the Strayer.

Divorce is certainly an emotional time for families. In fact, it ranks as one of the most stressful experiences in life. However, it is not only the adults who experience this stress. If the adults are parents, their children often suffer greatly. Their suffering can not be entirely eliminated. A certain amount of grief at the 'death' of their parents' relationship is to be expected. Nevertheless, while the adults are going through typically arduous legal wrangling it is important for them to remember the needs of their children and put them first. Deciding to cooperate for their sake will help to protect the children's emotional well being by maintaining their sense of security and need for unconditional love. Marital breakdown is difficult for everyone - especially children. There are several ways in which loving, responsible parents can cooperate for the good of their children. Even though the marriage may have broken down, the parental relationship is 'till death do us part'.

Child and youth counselors emphasize that children need lasting relationships with both parents. More often than not joint custody is granted because of this accepted understanding. Ideally, the relationship of the parents should be business-like and cooperative for the sake of the children. Children should not witness hostility between their parents and should not hear negative statements about either parent. It is recommended that parents commit to regularly scheduled meetings, in a neutral location for the purpose of discussing child-related issues. Education, medical, religious and moral issues that concern the children's well- being need to be dealt with by both parents. If emotions prohibit calm conversation, there are often family justice counselors available in the community to facilitate these important meetings.

Children going through the divorce of their parents usually have many questions and worries. Compassionate responses are required and it certainly takes mature parents in order to put aside their own issues and help their children gain some understanding about a situation over which they have no control. Unfortunately, many children experience guilt and often blame themselves for the marital breakup of their parents. Counseling - whether group or individual - can be an effective way to lessen this destructive burden. The objectivity of the counselor may help the child open up and share his/her feelings. As children mature, their questions will differ so the issue of their parents' divorce is never really over. A commitment on behalf of both parents to open communication with the children will reassure them greatly.

Divorce is not just a termination. It’s a beginning.

Maybe your friends of the family or people at work will be going through its own set of changes as you face others with your new civil status.
Divorce may be defined as a termination but it is the start of new beginnings and the introduction of a number of changes in both you and your children’s lives.

Is divorce for you?

Before that, if you are reading this and are in the process of considering divorce, take a moment to think about several assertions. If you believe that you can accept the following assertions as true in your marital relationship, give the idea of divorcing your mate a second thought.

• I believe I still have love for my mate.
• I am prepared to seek counseling or marital therapy for the sake of the relationship.
• I want to transform for the better.
• I value openness and truthfulness in my relationship with my mate.
• It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong, what matters is that I am willing to seek forgiveness or forgive when needed.

However, if you cannot see yourself in the mentioned assertions, read on to gain a basic understanding of divorce.

There have been misunderstandings as to how divorce and annulment differ. As mentioned, divorce is a termination of the marriage contract. Annulment, on the other hand, deems the marriage null and void, as if one were never married in the first place.

In certain areas where divorce has stigma attached to it due to the country’s dominant religious belief, annulment is more popular.

The Popularity of divorce

Most developed countries, despite certain religious stigma, divorce is widely acceptable. The popularity of divorce in developed countries has been on the up rise since the 20th century. Countries like the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, and South Korea, have all been affected by this popularity of divorce.
However, in the Philippines and Malta, divorce is illegal. Even if divorce is legal in Japan, the country has been able to maintain a distinctly low divorce ratio. Because of the Catholic Church’s influence, a number of countries in Europe have banned divorce. As a result, people in these locations seek out other areas in order to get divorced.

The high divorce rate of recent in Britain is a major factor leading to ever increasing levels of debt, a new report claimed recently.

Debt Free Direct has claimed that the break down of marriages is a significant factor behind people's financial problems, which suggests that many are forced to take out a debt consolidation loan following the completion of a divorce procedure.

The debt advisory agency has reported that those who are divorced are a third more likely to be declared bankrupt. Of those divorcees, women are running the highest risk.

Females are 14 per cent more likely to face financial ruin and are 26 per cent less likely to qualify for an individual voluntary arrangement, which can prevent bankruptcy.

Heavy debts that are incurred by an ex partner are a major cause of financial problems, even after a divorce, with Debt Free Direct finding that an ex's excessive debts are an underlying factor in almost three in ten bankruptcies in the UK.

Typically, people in a relationship will take on debts in joint names with their partner, never believing that the relationship will end. But when it does the effect of divorce or separation can seriously heighten the impact of the debt problem, spokesman Derek Oakley explained.

Mr Oakley advised married or divorcing couples to take steps to protect themselves from the poor finances of their partner.

For example, he said, even after divorce, many couples still hold credit cards and / or store cards in joint names.

After separation it is important to advise the credit card company to terminate the joint card. If you do not do this, you could well be pursued for payments on debts that your ex partner has run up.

The report contradicts previous assumptions that debt levels are exacerbated by a growing consumerist culture and relaxed attitude towards credit.

Are you feeling relieved after divorce or cheated? After many divorces people feel happy while in many rather more cases they feel cheated. Why? Divorce it self is a very painful process and the times that lead to divorce are more painful. The question is why get the sense of feeling cheated after getting divorce? Let us talk about this.

Relationship demands giving - People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all? This is not true for all. There are few individuals who don't give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do? The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

In countries which are predominantly Catholic, divorce is not welcomed by the culture which is greatly influenced by religion. For example in the Philippines and Malta, divorce is illegal. Because of the Catholic Church’s influence, a number of countries in Europe like France banned divorce. As a result, people in these locations may seek out other areas in order to get divorced.

Comparing and Contrasting

In countries which have legalized divorce, separating from your spouse may be much simpler than in those where divorce remains illegal. In countries where divorce is illegal and annulment may be the only way of getting out of a problem marriage, matters can get much more complicated.

The process of annulment may take a much longer period of time than the procedure of divorce. Divorce is the termination of a marriage contract. Annulment, on the other hand, deems the marriage null and void, as if one were never married in the first place. This makes couples think twice before considering the final step of annulment. But this can have its pros and cons.


Culture and Divorce

Most of the time, a woman may even stay in an abusive relationship for a long period just because of the culture’s view on separation. This is exactly where countries which have legalized divorce have the upper hand. In these cultures, getting out of any kind of abusive relationship as soon as possible is emphasized greatly. Looking at it this way, divorce becomes a tool for saving those spouses in detrimental marriages. But divorce itself may also be abused.

Marriage is a serious decision for anyone and it should not be taken lightly with the thought that one may just as easily get a divorce.

Debate upon the ease in which a couple may get divorced in some cultures has also long been discussed. The “Las Vegas” ease of tying the knot and just as easily cutting it off has been highly criticized by conservative cultures.

Getting married for a couple of hours just for the feel of it and then getting divorced soon after in just the same hurry is a clear example of how divorce can be abused.

Divorce is not like a volcano. One fine day, we find that a volcano has erupted. Divorce happens over a period of time. The relationship breaks down continuously and we realize that life can no longer be lived together. Many couples wake up when the break down has become total. That becomes very difficult to save the marriage. After that they spend endless nights worrying about what to do - To go for divorce or not? Why not to take care of the relationship today and find out how it is and what care it needs. What changes will make it better? And improve it before it reaches the brink?


Ask questions such as - Am I happy in my marriage/ Is my partner happy? Am I emotionally satisfied? What about my partner? Is marriage giving us joy or pain? Are we still in love? Is one of us feeling victimized? Shall we grow together till our old age? Are we loyal to each other? What kind of relationship do we share now? Are we feeling sick of each other? And so on. Raise as many questions about your marriage, yourself and your partner as you can think of. Take some online tests and quizzes on marriage and relationship. That will give lot of thought to your mind.


As you think of questions, you will start thinking more deeply about where you are heading. Find out all that is going wrong. Try to improve that. Discuss with your partner about what you think. Find out all that is going right. Make it still better. Think, plan and act. Before thinking, test your marriage in all the possible ways. Wake up now. Tomorrow may be too late.

Online networking web sites. Are they really networking and are they really working?

They have been springing up all over. They are based on contact management. They are direct in messaging, emailing, and even in the six degrees of separation. They go by many different names and have various methods of finding people. The problem with these sites is that they are not really networking. Do you disagree?

To be effective in networking requires building a relationship with another person. This is difficult to do through messages and email. If you have ever had a discussion with a person through email or instant messaging, I would like to ask if you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to actually pick up the phone to find out what a person was really talking about?

In relationships conversation is extremely important. The communication is key. The thing that we may not really pay attention to is the importance of tonal inflection in the voice and the added benefits of body language in expressing ourselves. These are the things that online networking is lacking.

Since the most important aspect of having a relationship with another person is based in trust, it is difficult to develop trust in someone that you have never seen nor heard. It is even more difficult to get a person to do business with you without some type of face to face contact.

With this in mind, will these web sites last or are they merely a passing craze? Are they popular simply because we are looking for success in any way that it might come to us? Time will tell.

It is my advice that if you are looking for new contacts, step away from the desk and out into the community. Online networking is less effective for getting business than it is putting your resume online to get a job. All of the people are faceless and voiceless and no one really wants to do business with an email. Or do they? With the thousands of people out there who are selling what you need, including those in your own community, how do you decide what to buy? My guess is that you end up buying most premium products and services from someone that you have met in person, even if it is just a clerk in a store. I am of course excluding buying products through an online store.

So then what is the future of online networking? You are in control of it. Please take a moment and send me your opinion of online networking. Please be sure to tell me if you have ever gotten any business from it exclusively. I am guessing that you probably haven't and you probably won't.